I Wanna Hit That Ginger

Culinary Ginger: Kevin from Top Chef (sorry Bobby!)

2009-12-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

I will not mince my words, (see what I did there?) I have a huge crush on Kevin of Top Chef Las Vegas fame. First of all, he looks like Santa in his college days. Who wouldn't want to hit that? Jolly and generous but with tats and a bong! And you KNOW you wouldn't ever order pizza hut with this guy around. He'd go "HOLD ON" and present you with like some cilantro encrusted protein wrapped in ribbons made out of beets sitting in a puree of sunchokes. He's so cute and funny, and WHIPPED OUT that sous vide lamb even though he never cooks sous vide! And here I thought TC was setting me up for the typical mistake in the big challenges: never use new techniques or cook something you're not familiar with because Padma is bound to be like "Hmmmm....your yuzu foam had a very subtle flavor, but it just made me want to puke." Also i'd like to rest in his beard like a baby bird.

LET'S CLEAR ONE THING UP RIGHT NOW.

2009-11-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

There was a horrible story in the news recently about a middle school aged boy of red follicles who was physically assaulted by classmates after an internet posting that promoted "Kick a Ginger Day". (You can read the article here.) I will be honest. I keep having these moments of recurring panic that OH MY GOD COULD THEY HAVE MEANT IWHTG?! I mean, this blog is dedicated to celebrating our rufescent friends, never denigrating them, but I can see how the title is misleading. Once again, it is "hit", as in "I want to tap that ass"or "I want to do the horizontal mambo" or my personal favorite, the "tonight I'm gonna hound and pound". Basically I'm just a chick who wants to do the stocky red head with the beard at the party. I DO NOT condone any violence to anyone, let ALONE gingers who are extra pain-sensitive, dontcha know. Unless of course that violence is against Danny Bonaduce and I will just go ahead and assume that it was necessary because he was about you stab you in the face for steroids and hookers. But even Bonaduce has children. Think of the kids, people. Think of the kids.

Which brings me back around to our original subject. Middle school is hard enough, but being targeted for abuse because of the way you look? That is not only sad, it's discriminatory and cruel. This little episode of violence was apparently inspired by South Park's "ginger kids" episode which...ugh. Blame the ignorant parents for not raising their children correctly, NOT the makers of a television show which is clearly tongue in cheek and meant for ADULTS not CHILDREN aaaaand I'm off the soapbox. But really it's not TV that is to blame. The lower end of human nature is just nasty and itching for a fight, and those kids who beat up the ginger? They are the same kids who kill cats when they are 6 and start bar fights when they are 26. And go to Sarah Palin book signings.

So people- STOP IT. Love on the ginger! Hell, love on everyone. It's a cold world out there. Don't we all need a little fire and spice in our lives? And also IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR.

Ginger Sighting: Jesse Tyler Ferguson at Intelligentsia, Silverlake

2009-11-06T15:18:00.001-08:00

So last weekend I was in Los Angeles and I ended up at the extremely hipster and somewhat terrifying Cafe Intelligentsia in Silverlake. As we were leaving, who did I see but Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Ginger, musical theatre actor, Modern Family star (it's so cute!)! He's like, the ginger Neil Patrick Harris! And we all know how much I love me some NPH. I gawked a little bit, thinking I new him from NYU until I realized that I was being VERY UNCOOL in the universe that is Silverlake, and then the guy with the long har, red pyjama pants, silk shirt and sea foam green eye shadow looked at me very disapprovingly.

But YAY for new favorite bearded Gingers that I would reccomend all my available WEHO boys go try and hit immediately! Now watch this.

If this is true, I have made a grave error in judgement.

2009-05-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Tim Minchin. You are hot and adorable. You are hilarious and Australian. I agree with you on issues of love and god which really makes you ten times as dreamy. If you weren't married I would probably put a little bit of effort into finding you. Or at least I would spend time thinking about it. But if what you say is true, then I am a bigot. IT'S OUT OF LOVE TIM. Can we move past this small bump in the road and become friends? Just like I am officially black (I have my card) I feel like I should also be officially Ginger because of the amount of time and love I pour into promoting the image of Ginger sexiness. Like an honorary degree or something. Can we work it out? Ok. I'll be waiting for your email. Thanks.

Love, Natalie

(Ps: If I am both officially black and officially ginger, does it make me this guy? I hope so.)

Phoebe Price (crickets chirp)

2009-04-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

Let me clarify: by "hit that ginger" I mean smack her in her smug mug with a whiffle bat and hope I pop a cheek implant. I keed, I keed . . . sort of.

Seriously, who is this tranny clown!? Why must this crusty marshmallow of shameless promotion haunt the streets of Hollywood, staining the divine ginger persona with each clickity-clack of her lucite heels, with each famewhoring photo op? Why must she make us suffer so!? More importantly, why does she get to hold a piggy and not me? [shakes fist at sky]

Every time Phoebe Price's picture is printed in a tabloid, a unicorn DIES*.

*Posting pictures on blogs doesn't count. We're unicorn-safe, people.

Ron Howard finally does a project worth writing about.

2009-04-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

OK. I'm going to start by saying that I am just thrilled about this post. Giddy. I'm kind of breathing a little heavily. Now, I love me some Ron Howard. What's not to love, really? He's completely adorable and talented, and he made a remarkably smooth switchover from child star to high powered director/producer. He was never caught in a hotel room with hookers and blow. He seems really humble, and whenever cameras are pointed at him he has a good natured look on his face and a little baseball cap. HE IS BEHIND ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. Basically, I want to be friends with his family and have them over to dinner and play charades.

But this...this latest development has me OVER THE MOON.

Gentle Readers: check it out here.

Watched it? OK. Now, what really titillates me is what happened before:

(*DING DONG*)

Ron Howard: Oh, hey Jamie.

Jamie Foxx: What is UP Ron!

Ron: Nada! Are we ready to roll to the club?

Jamie: You bet. Forest is shotgun and Gyllenhall's driving. We're meeting Sam at the club. Apparently there is a panda there too.

Ron: A RED Panda?!?

Jamie: No, just a normal panda. In a suit.

Ron: Sweet. I'm gonna get pissy on the crissy tonight.

Jamie: You KNOW it. I took the liberty of attaching goblets to the top of all of our Oscars!

Ron: Cram fest!

Jake Gyllenhall: (*BEEP BEEEP*) Come on slow pokes! Last one in the Bentley's a rotten egg!

SCENE

So here's to Ron Howard, who has proven to us all today that gingers-- even middle aged, balding, pale, gingers-- are hyphy.

I'll toast to that.

Motts Marketing Meeting: 10 am

2009-03-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

EXEC #1: OK. We gotta move some apple juice. So....we sell apple juice to moms and kids. Apples are red. What can we use?

EXEC #2: Firetrucks.

EXEC #1: No.

EXEC #2: Clifford the Big Red Dog?

EXEC #1: uhh....no.

EXEC #2: Red Pandas!!

EXEC #1: What? No.

EXEC #3: Marcia Cross.

EXEC#1: Good! She epitomizes everything motherly, natural looking and non-robotic. It'll work.

EXEC #3: Ok, but let's make sure she also says things semi sexually and emphasizes certain words in a knowing way for no reason whatsoever, just in case we can rope in that tricky 20-50 year old male apple juice drinking market.

EXEC #1: Done. This will be brilliant.

EXEC #2: ....Guys, I still think Red Pandas are more accessible.

Ginger Pandas=I want one.

2009-03-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

This is a Red Panda, also known as a Firefox- the namesake of Mozilla Firefox, and hopefully my new lifetime companion and pet.

Words...can't even....express....how much I WANT ONE.

But Song can.

Karen Elson: The "I swear! I'm way cooler than normal models! PROMISE!" Ginger

2009-03-11T05:22:00.000-07:00

I was doing some research (ie: wikipedia) on Karen Elson, and read that her wedding to Jack White was performed by a shaman in the middle of the Amazon River...on a canoe. I have been sitting here wondering whether I find that annoyingly pretentious and overly peculiar for the sake of being so, or whether they are just two truly eccentric people for whom the ceremony was beautiful and spiritual and yadda yadda yadda. Honestly, I think I'm coming down on the side of the latter, if only because that is a commitment to oddity (HA, I kill me). Annoying people would just get the shaman to come to their eco-resort somewhere on a beach. To get in a canoe in this river shows that you mean it. So go ahead kids, let your freak flag fly.

However, I will say for myself that if I were in a canoe in the middle of the Amazon, I would be terrified that, in my dreamy wedded happiness, I would let my fingers graze the lovely brown water and have my hand bitten off by piranhas or swallowed by an anaconda. I dunno, I'm just not really into opaque bodies of water teeming with deadly animals. But maybe thats just me.

Cobbe Portrait Affirms That I am on the Right Path

2009-03-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

We all know about the Cobbe portrait of W. Shakes that was recently confirmed and brought to light, yes? Good. If not, catch up, here. The most important confirmation however is that my man, the love of my life, the man who (according to Harold Bloom) invented humanity as we know it, had....

A GINGER BEARD.

Now I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe that Shakespeare was actually Francis Bacon, or was the head of some Rosicrucian secret plot, or used to have bisexual orgies with like, monkeys or anything. However....

Redheads are alien geniuses who came here to save us. Just sayin'.

FINE. Living Ginger: Lohan edition.

2009-03-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

Well, you voted. And you apparently believe that Lindsay over here would win in a fight over Bonaduce, Ron Howard, and Carrot Top. Which, is...wow. I guess that fine columbian snow gives you super power strength, because Bonaduce is a terrifying force to be reckoned with.

Now, I have avoided putting Lohan up so far, because, quite frankly, she makes me a little sad, but also seriously irritated. So I posted this picture in memory of happier times. Mean Girls times. Remember that? So fresh faced? So healthy? WHY DIDN'T YOU LEARN THE LESSON OF MEAN GIRLS LINDSAY? WHY?

Self Explanatory Rando Ginge

2009-03-06T10:23:00.001-08:00

Reader Annie Kyle alerted me to this gorgeous ginger on Garance Dore, this insanely adorable fashion blog written by the sweetest little French chick, (from what I can tell. She just writes in the most charmant manner.) Anyway. I don't think there is much else to say about this one, I'm sure we all want to hit it. Or in my case, borrow her hat, and have a day like THIS.

OK ok, I get it: You all like Harry Potter. As per request, Ron Weasley.

2009-03-01T12:20:00.001-08:00

I have had many many requests to put Rupert Grint of Ron Weasley fame on the blog. (I have a confession to make: I was just on IMDB looking at the Harry Potter cast trying to figure out this actor's real name...and ten minutes later figured out that Rupert Grint WAS his real name, not his character's. But come on, doesn't Grint sound so Harry Pottery?) Anyway. It's not that I'm opposed to Harry Potter or Mr. Grint over here, it's just that- don't kill me- I've never read any of the Potter books (oh my god, I keep writing "Pooter") and I've only seen one and a half of the movies. But let's just say that this picture was the proverbial straw on my camel. Such smarmy hottness! I guess he was thinking that he couldn't really live up to Radcliffe taking his kit off on the west end/broadway in a hugely influential and important play (that I wrote my lit AP essay on). So, obviously, he figured he could slick his hair back, make a child molester face and wear a MJ "Thriller" jacket reinterpreted in shiny nylon.

Well buddy, you got my attention. Bravo.

Special thanks to Allison Karman for submitting this delish morsel!

UPDATE: Is it my imagination or is he doing a Chuck Bass face here?

The Top 25 Famous Gingers according to "listverse" whatever the hell that is.

2009-02-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

Faithful research assistant Erik Petersen alerted me to this list of The Top 25 Famous Redheads at Listverse, which is apparently a universe of lists, which sounds awful and depressing, but whatever. There are some things I greatly approve of, and others I take serious issue with. Approval: apparently L. Ron Hubbard was a ginger, and listverse helpfully defines him as "an exceptional con artist". I will assume that the web admins and/or writers don't live in LA, or at any rate are not afraid of death and coercion. Or coercion and death. Whichever comes first. I mean, have you seen the Scientology Celebrity Center? Terrifying mis amigos, terrifying.

BIG disapproval: they say that Judas Iscariot was a ginger. HAVE THEY NEVER SEEN "JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR"? Whatever you say, you are not taking Carl Anderson away from me. NO. I love him too much. (And, bear with me here, am I the only one who always sympathized more with Judas than Jesus in the whole story in general? Is that because my religious upbringing consisted of Ayn Rand and Norman Jewison movies?) Also, according to "listverse", Geri Halliwell is the most successful of all the Spice Girls, and Bernadette Peters is best known for her role in "The Jerk". Whatever this Universe of Lists is doing to these people's brains...I kind of like it.

And now that you know Celopatra was a ginger, you can be that really obnoxious person at halloween parties who tries to show off their esoteric knowledge by berating girls who show up in black Cleopatra wigs. You think it's gonna get you tail....but it just won't.

Oh la la- une troupe rousse! (Merci Sartorialist et Kat Mitchel!)

2009-02-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

Yes mes chers lecteurs, what you are seeing is the real deal. The rarest of all subcultures, the unicorn of the urban underbelly, the mermaid/manatee of style: the avant garde French Ginger gang. Don't mess with these cats, or they will go all dance fight on your ass.

Gingers Get a Genetic Morphine Drip: WTF?!

2009-02-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

So my dedicated research assistant Erik PetersEn dug up this little article for me. Apparently redheads are more resistant to pain than blondes or brunettes, because of some gene that they have that we don't, or some gene that doesn't work, or...something. This gene produces a natural morphine-like substance when you get hurt, so it acts as a natural anaesthetic, which is clearly AWESOME. And, I want it. It makes one wonder, what could the evolutionary reasons behind this be? Is it so that when the final apocalyptic battle comes, the gingers will get to decide whether they save us all or not? Or is it true, like Tom Robbins says, that gingers are descendant from aliens, the "red beards" that built the pyramids and designed mysteries and codes into the Camel ad campaigns? Are all of these things related? Will I be spared for my humanitarian work on behalf of the ancient red beard race? More importantly, will I pick the right ginger mate and give birth to the warrior ginger who will save us all by cleverly using his/her extremely high tolerance for pain? And after the revolution, would that make me the Queen Mum, and do I get to wear those little hats and use a passel of corgies as my personal army? Because I say bring. It. ON.

The article goes on to say, "Napoleon, Cleopatra, Columbus, Vincent Van Gogh, William Shakespeare, George Washington, Florence Nightingale and Winston Churchill were all redheads." I would like to counter, SHOW ME YOUR SOURCES, CTV NEWS STAFF.

Plebeian Ginger of the Week: Chris Giarmo!

2009-02-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

Ok ladies and gentleman. This week's PG (Plebby Ginger) is none other than the [in]famous Chris Giarmo. Chris is a freelance artist/designer/actor/dancer/whathaveyou and one of the founding members of The Red Terror Squad, a New York based theatre group "interested in mommy issues, daddy issues, grotesque erotics, being queer and old-fashioned, being feminist and cute, being Stevie Nicks and clean." And according to Time Out NY he is also single and ready to mingle! (Gentlemen, start your engines...)

Chris and I went to nyu's experimental theatre wing together, although I might hazard a suggestion that he was always a bit more experimental than I. In fact, I seem to remember a piece ending with him pulling another actor out of the room by her vagina. (Fellow ginger Jess Barbagallo! More on her next week.) I, on the other hand, spent most of the time crying. Do I remember correctly Chris? Needless to say, he is pretty brilliant, and he smells nice, and if you suddenly need him to play some Tori Amos on the piano for your shitty, badly organized end of the year concert, he will be there. I got to hang out with this kid for about 4 years, off and on, and let me tell you- you def. wanna hit this ginger. So if you live in Brooklyn, hit it up! And say I sent you.

A Rash of Ginger Commercials- HA! See what I did there?

2009-02-11T18:36:00.001-08:00

I have been noticing a rash of hot ginger commercials, like Geico, Kleenex, and the gajillion commercials this dude is in. (Lucky bastard with his nationals. This dude is rolling in residuals.) Is this a turning of the tide? Are we starting to bring gingers into the commercially acceptable fold, albeit as quirky characters selling us weird feelings about re-animated money stacks and all the gross tactile experiences we have? Because all of these commercials make me feel weird. But happy. They're all hot, I like seeing them. I mean, the guy in the Geico commercial is adorable, and I love that song. It's...it's like a pavlovian response mechanism. I hear the song, I think of cute ginger in car, I get happy, I want Geico as my insurer. Right? Like the dog and the...bell...I dunno guys, don't listen to me. I had a weird veggie burger for lunch and it's makin' me feel odd. But actually.

And loves, I don't even KNOW what this is, but it's worth skipping to about 1:30 where they all start chanting, "GIVE WENDY SOME PIGMENT!"

Rufescent Life with Woodpecker

2009-02-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

I was given "Still Life With Woodpecker" in high school by a boy that I was insanely infatuated with. We used to drive around in his car, talking about art and listening to the music he had written, and he used to say that he was a feminist because he had read the feminine mystique. Yeah, excactly. Happily, my infatuation with him ended, while my infatuation with this book turned to love. Princess Leigh-Cheri and outlaw Bernard Mickey Wrangle are my some of my favorite gingers and lovers. I don't know if "red hair is cause by sugar and lust" (but I sure hope so), and I still don't know how to make love stay, although I do know how to make a tequila mockingbird. But there is always one line from this book that...gets to me.

"Funny how we think of romance as always involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense."

Read this if you would like a synopsis (but really, just read the book).

Confessions of a Ginger-holic: Isla Fisher

2009-02-09T13:46:00.000-08:00

Isla Fisher. I have so many things to say to you. First of all: I am so glad about you and Sacha Baron Cohen. He seems like a nice man, you are both hilarious, and your baby will be attractive, possibly ginger, super funny, and jewish. Which jeez, is like winning the lottery. Way to luck out baby Cohen. Anyhoo, I have always loved you. You were amazing in Wedding Crashers. You are a totally beautiful ginger who at the same time doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I bet you'd totally get sloppy with me, and dance around at the bar with our friends, and then have brunch with me in the morning and try to assure me that I didn't totally mess it up with that guy, and that I'm too good for him anyway, regardless of the actual truth of the situation. So then, why are you getting on my nerves so much lately? I blame Confessions of a Shopaholic. I don't have to tell you that lady, we are all BROKE right now. So I am really not in the mood to watch anyone strut around in wildly expensive designer clothes, buy everything in sight, and make people feel bad for her because she speaks in a baby voice. Plus the usually delicious Hugh Dancy looks like a tool in it, which- how does that happen?? I don't even know. So listen. I don't totally blame you- I blame the producers, and your agent who somehow convinced you that this would be a good career move. But babe- you are on NOTICE.

Update: You know what? I don't even think I do like Hugh Dancy. There. I said it. I think Philip Seymour Hoffman is more sexually attractive than Hugh Dancy. And if you think I'm crazy, well...you wouldn't be the first.

Rando Ginger From Firenze: Thanks to Giorgia and The Sartorialist

2009-02-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

Eagle eyed reader Giorgia H. sent me a little note yesterday saying "check out this Harry Potter-esque ginger on The Sartorialist". And my dears, I might have found true love. This little nugget of excellence was shot just walking around florence. Let's do a tally of the wonderful things happening here. Fitted, short cuffed pants with delicious loafers and no socks: check. Collared shirt/old swedish man sweater/blazer/duffel coat combo while amazingly not looking like he's wearing his entire closet: check. Those glasses? Check, I covet. Sensible grandmother tote/man purse that he manages to make look kind of chic and scholarly? Check check. I want to keep him in my pocket, and take him out to stroke my cheek and talk to me about...Dante, or the Battle of Hastings, or the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili (which he is obviously writing his dissertation on). Just look at the sweet purse of his lips. I will offer a cash prize for the reader who brings him to me. (Ok, maybe not cash, maybe just some whiskey and a neck rub.)

Spivey in Dances with Wolves: Evil Confederate Killing Ginger

2009-01-26T14:52:00.001-08:00

So, the other day I was lying around my friend Sarah's house after drinking lots of tequila the night before. (As I recall, the night ended in a jump like a frog contest. so, yeah.) Anyhoodle, "Dances with Wolves" was on tv, and I had never seen it, because I was like 7 when it came out. First of all: it's a seriously good movie, even though I kept thinking about Waterworld. Secondly: Dude, there used to be buffalo freeways all over America. Think about it. But thirdly and most importantly, apparently American soldiers in 1864 were EVIL redheaded illiterates who really enjoy slaughtering wolves and injuns. I mean, DAMN Gina. If that is not a case of a ginger gone bad, I don't know what is. He just made me so ANGRY. I bet Spivey's last name was Bonaduce, and he was Danny's ancestor. And I know I'm confusing reality with historical movie fiction, but roll with me here.

As a side note: Does anyone else totally want to bone Wind In His Hair? Which is kind of a hilarious name for the screenwriters to think of, because he totally does have modelly windy sleek hair, and I want to wrap myself in it. Just sayin.

Extra bonus clip you WANT to watch, I promise, here.

Special Thanks the Brandy M. for being a badass, and finding the above pic of Spivey. Hope I didn't make you lose your job.

Someone else loves Gingers too.

2009-01-26T14:12:00.001-08:00

Faithful reader and beard-lover Liane Stegmaier alerted me to this gallery of ginger portraits by Jenny Wicks. All I have to say is: ginger babies with translucent eyelashes= pure love. The article says some interesting things about "gingerism" being the last acceptable prejudice. Which, I don't know. I guess I see that- some people are pretty vocally against my titian love. Also, someone gimme that first guy's numero. I feel like that could get spicy. No, but really though.

David Snoo Wilson and Isla Mae Lubbock, Photographs by Jenny Wicks.

Prince Harry: Scandalous Royalty Ginger

2009-01-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

So, our young friend Prince Harry here has gotten into a lot of trouble at his young age. A couple years ago he showed up to a Halloween party in a Nazi uniform, and recently he was caught on tape calling "his little paki friend.." a "raghead". Which...yeah that's really not cool. UNLESS: he is secretly a Dadaist agit prop performance artist, dedicated to demonstrating the uselessness of the monarchy, and proving that Hayek was right! British socialism leads to fascism! Wow. Prince Harry is truly an activist for our times, masquerading under the pretense of a spoiled, idiotic, careless, bigoted, inbred Prince. And all this while staying a hot ginger, unlike his brother.

Trent Wolbe: Plebeian Ginger of the Week!

2009-01-12T17:13:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! Today I am starting the first of the plebeian ginger features. In honor of his visit to the west coast this week, the first plebby ginger is Trent Wolbe! I met Trent freshman year of college, which basically consisted of me getting wasted and occasionally harassing him in the study lounge of our dorm. He was also with me when we found the sketchiest bar in the world in Staten Island, called the "Beach club" I think. It was pretty much the ghettoest place you can imagine and we thought we might get hurt. It was two in the afternoon on a sunday in the pouring rain, and the bar was full of really foul mouthed old ladies one of whom invited us into her car for a smoke (because of the rain) and she was wasted. Needless to say, it was AWESOME, and they still had beer backs so we drank a bunch of cheap ass beer and played stuff on the juke box. I've been trying to get back ever since.

But I digress. The point is, Trent is awesome. He always has a pretty dope ginger beard, he hosts a good party, and I've heard he's good in the sack. If you live in the Brooklyn area or any of the surrounding boroughs, I would seriously suggest trying to hit that ginger, just not with a baseball bat or anything.

Next Week: Chris Giarmo. Have any hot gingers you wanna nominate for the plebby post? Email me at natalievhall@gmail.com

Rorschach from Watchmen: Fictional Apocalyptic kinda Superhero Ginger

2009-01-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

So when I was living in LA I kinda dated this guy for a second who was really into comic books and graphic novels and stuff. Like, he went to comic con every year. It was cool, and he convinced me to re-watch "Adventures in Babysitting" which was nice, but he turned out to be kind of lame and it was so disappointing because he had a nice beard and wore hats that made him look like a cuban revolutionary, and I liked that. But it lasted long enough for me to borrow and read his copy of "Watchmen", which holy shit is so awesome and I CAN'T WAIT for the movie to come out. And the best character, Rorschach, is a ginger, obvi. If you haven't read "Watchmen", read it. NOW. I'm giving you the recommendation for free, you don't even have to quasi date me and pretend to be into comic con stuff. Then we can be the first in line when the movie comes out, deal? Deal. I'll buy the popcorn. If you need more convincing, watch the trailer.

Eric Stoltz: That Random Guy in all those Movies Ginger.

2009-01-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

This is gonna be a half-hearted post because frankly guys, I'm hungover. However, I am kind of fascinated by Eric Stoltz. I mean, I am sitting here and I cannot think of one single movie he has been in, and yet he is somehow a large part of my misty past. Was he randomly in Austin Powers for like 5 seconds? Was that him? Anyhoodle, my imdb search tells me some interesting things, like that he is "rumored" to be starring in "Tintin" as Dr. Krospell. It's in pre-production, and I'm assuming this is a movie version of that french cartoon with that woolly dog, so that's pretty cool I guess. ? Also, he was in a movie called "The Passion of Ayn Rand" with Helen Mirren, which sounds like awesomeness in a box, and if I had netflix I would put it on my list. If anyone wants to rent it with me, I will make the cocktails.

Michael C. Hall: Murderous Ginger

2009-01-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

Ok, so maybe he's not the gingeriest of gingers. This is true. But he does have the curious, delightful ginger beard, and might I say? Ginger burns. Plus, I love him. I definitely watched all of Dexter seasons one and two in like, a week, and I started having dreams about serial killers, but they weren't nightmares. (And yes, also, Six Feet Under, blah blah blah we all know it's brilliant. Over it.) Really what I want to talk about is how he's dating his co-star Jennifer Carpenter, who plays his sister. Not that weird really, but is she a TERRIBLE actress, or a BRILLIANT one? (I go for brilliant, but it might just be the Dexter obsession talking. Tell me!)

Odd fan vid here.

UPDATE: Well, Kai Z. just let me know that my beloved Mr. Hall eloped over new years with Jennifer Carpenter. There go my hopes for not having to change my name, DAMNIT.

Danny Bonaduce: Ginger gone BAD.

2009-01-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of you followed "Breaking Bonaduce" on VH1, but it was legitimately terrifying. I mean, I know it's a little crass to make fun of someone who has really really serious issues with alcoholism, anger, steroids, sexual addiction and child-star syndrome. Thankfully, there are many other things about Bonaduce that can be discussed. Like how he hosted a reality tv show about children trying to be stars, that was actually a competition. First of all- GET YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM BONADUCE. Jesus christ people. The other thing I would like to discuss is this weird trend with creepy ginger dudes getting waaaay too physically fit. Is it a Napoleon complex, but instead of being short, you're ginger? I have no idea, but I find it repulsive. I don't mind a firecrotch at all. In fact, I'm a fan. However, I DO mind backne, tiny balls and explosive anger. So. Get. It. Together.

Ps: I think I figured out why he is the way he is.

Christina Hendricks/Joan Halloway: I wanna BE that Ginger

2009-01-06T13:26:00.001-08:00

Now, this one gets a little complicated, because Christina Hendricks, the actress, is a natural blonde. (Gasp!) I'm gonna let it slide, because lets face it- this lady is a seriously hot ginger. Hallelujiah for someone on TV to actually have real curves and be the hot one. (As opposed to bullshit Eva Mendes "curves" where the chick is still like 100 pounds, give me a f*cking break.) Granted, we had to go back to the fifties to get it, but I'll take what I can get on this one. Not to relegate a dame to her figure- Christina Hendricks is also a pretty great actress. So once again, the gingers are pushing things forward. Amen.

Here's some sweet ballbreaking.

Seth Green: Ginger who still loves Jacko even after doing a film with Macaulay Culkin

2009-01-05T18:43:00.000-08:00

I don't even remember why or when I fell in love with Seth Green (does one need a reason ?), and I've been rummaging around the internet to find a justification for loving him so passionately. I mean yeah, we all love Family Guy and Robot Chicken. But I feel like I've been lovin' on him deep in my soul for a while, and I'm pretty sure it's not because of "Austin Powers". I'm VERY sure it had nothing to do with "Party Monster" which I seriously regret watching until it's retarted conclusion. Then I came across this quote from him on imdb: "There are two kinds of people in this world: Michael Jackson fans, and losers", and I was like, oh yeah THAT's why.

Click here for the only good part of "Party Monster".

Howard Roark: Fictional Objectivist Ginger

2009-01-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

One of the images I will never get out of my head, is that of Howard Roark- angular, pale, philosophically perfect- standing nekkid on the edge of the stone quarry with all his gingery fluff flowing in the breeze. I read The Fountainhead at age 12, and that was pretty much one of my earlier images for who I wanted to make out with, although I apparently have not been successful in that.

When Ayn Rand wrote The Fountainhead in 1943, she created one of the most famous and uncompromising gingers in literary history. Roark's hair was "...neither blond nor red, but the exact color of a ripe orange rind." Roark should be a hero to shy young ginger-boys everywhere, not because he really REALLY cares about houses, but because every smart, angry, arty girl at your high school wanted to bone Howard Roark. Am I right? I'm right. I was one of them. I wrote my sophomore year religion class thesis about how Howard Roark was morally superior to Mother Theresa, and if that ain't hormones talking, I don't know what is. So let's give a shout out to Objectivism. The virtue of selfishness! The supremacy of individualism! Sexy, cold, standoffish, brilliant, superior gingers! Being in love with people that don't exist! .....oh.

Redheadday!

2009-01-05T00:10:00.000-08:00

It's true! There is a redhead festival in Breda, the Netherlands every year. 2009 is the 4th annual festival, and guess what. It's FREE. Government sponsored. In 2005, 150 blooming roses showed up. By 2008, the numbers had swelled to 2,000. So....the ginger community is basically taking over a small, willing, undercover Dutch town in order to take advantage of their lax drug policies so they can breed like rabbits and form a terrifying army of disgruntled Howard Roarks that will slowly take over the world through sexual prowess. Which means, I'M THERE.

This year the Redheadday Festival takes place September 5-6 in Breda, The Netherlands. Find out the deets here.

Photo by Bart Rouwenhorst

Bryce Dallas Howard: Legacy Ginger

2009-01-04T16:50:00.000-08:00

When I was in the experimental theatre wing at NYU, I remember going to see the play "Four Saints in Mexico", an adaptation of two Gertrude Stein works. The lead was this intensely gorgeous deathly pale red head. She was also amazing. She was a couple years above me in studio, and she happened to be Bryce Dallas Howard. Of course, she is well on her way to being crazy successful, (even if it was partially due to that MORONIC asshat M. Night Shamala...I forget, I hate him so much I never finish reading his name.) It's kind of obnoxious how classically pretty Bryce is, and how genuinely talented she is to boot. Plus, she's a super nice girl. Damn you BDH! It's impossible to hate you...plus you are friends with Kiki D. who seems like she might be really fun to borrow clothes from and get too drunk in a random karaoke bar with. So, carry on Bryce. Carry on.

Glen Hansard: Singer/Songwriter Ginger

2009-01-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

So yesterday morning I was sitting in my caftan eating some toast when I happened to catch "Once" on TV. Needless to say by the end of it I was weeping and useless, so that pretty much defeated my hopes of going outside, or putting on clothes. But AY DIOS MIO there is such russet deliciousness in this movie. Glen does that I'm-just-a-small-wounded-puppy-please-love-me-watch-out-I will-ravish-you-with-LOVE EYES thing, which is pretty much when I give up and let them have me. As Mopkin and I like to say, "he gives good face." Dude, seriously, I'm moving to Ireland. Even if they aren't all gingers, a huge majority of them are the curious subset "ginger beards" which is good enough for me.

Click here for a link to the "Once" trailer. (I was gonna add the hot scene where he asks her to spend the night, but I couldn't find it.)

Kevin McKidd: Scottish Ginger

2009-01-04T01:48:00.000-08:00

Kevin McKidd is most certainly hot on Grey's, I warrant you. Who doesn't like a man with sexy aggression and a touch of deepity darkity past who will throw you down, have his way with you, then give you one of those Mr. Darcy stares? He's famous for being in Journeyman and Rome, but now that I think of it he was also in the embarrassingly atrocious "Made of Honor" with future co-star Patrick I-Act-With-My-Hair Dempsey. Kevin was the only thing in that interminable stabby making piece of schlock worth watching, which makes me love him all the more. But real reason I want Kevin McKidd to father my freckled children is a little movie named "Topsy Turvy". Singing? Check. Occasional tights? Check. Brilliant acting amongst brilliant actors which makes his current hottness doubly hot? CHECK.

Click here for past, and here for current gingery magic.